The 10-Gaffe Trap

Words: Nelressa STALLINGS-FAYE

You always thought that getting along famously with women was easy — or, too difficult. Either way, you are right — because, it takes more than a man and woman to get a relationship going. 

This is just one part of the story. The other — the most important — is the manner in which men often goof-up what could have blossomed into a great relationship. In other words, they tend to most often miss the wood of understanding the subtleties of the game for the trees.

Here goes — of what you should avoid to hit it off well with women: 

Gaffe 1. Nice guys are what most gals endorse. If you knew it, you’d have known the obvious. Few women really get hooked on to nice guys. Nice is not what gals first look in a man. They often look at men who have a powerful gut feeling for them. The idea is difficult to accept — but, that is the way it is at the stakes. The best thing to do is to delve and accept the statement. Better still — act on it. Otherwise, success will not be yours.

Gaffe 2. Impress her to like you. Never try to impress a woman the first time, or any time. You will never know how a woman feels when it is a question of attraction. So, when you try to convince a woman the way you perceive things, it does not work. More so, because you will not be able to change how a woman feels on the subject. Also, don’t use your logic and reasoning skills here — you are not in the corporate setting. You are in a man-woman partnership game. Also remember — when a woman does not feel it for you, you just cannot expect her to change that feeling through reasoning. Worse still, many men plead, appeal, or run after, to change a woman’s mind, when things don’t go the way they intend them to. It is a stupid idea to chase a woman. Also, don’t show them that you are too interested. Maintain a quiet distance. Make yourself interesting and interested. Let things work for you. S-l-o-w-l-y.

Gaffe 3. Getting ‘okay’ is a smart idea. Looking for a woman’s approval or permission is the greatest mistake most men do — without thinking about it. It is not that you should be your own man when you are in the company of a woman.  Women sure get upset at men who look for the lady’s approval.

Gaffe 4. Gifts work. If a candlelit dinner, and a plethora of gifts, could work, all men would have been happy with every woman they met, or meet, or marry. Giving gifts puts you on the defensive — you will feel as if you are the man who the lady is going to like. What she is not going to like is the attention through gifts you are going to give her. You are mistaken, if you think otherwise.

Gaffe 5. ‘Chipping-in’ is good. You thought that sharing how you feel, early on, or otherwise, was a good thing. It is not.  Women, as it is, always seem to get a lot of attention — whether they are attractive, or not. Remember — they are often approached by men who are interested in them. On the other hand, attractive women would have dated often — and, they would sure know how to separate the chaff from the grain. Also remember, the moment you say that, ‘You really like her,’ you have lost ground. The expression is clichéd, and most women won’t buy the idea.

Gaffe 6. Attraction is everything. Women are different from men — they see the chemistry of attraction differently too. When a man sees a striking, young, and sexy woman, he falls flat for sexual attraction. This may not apply to women, likewise. A woman’s attraction quotient works on a different plane. Have you not noticed how many unattractive men manage to attract good-looking women? Women are attracted to things which are not related to what you think as attraction. So, what you need to do is to complement your body language with good communication skills — only then will you be able to turn them on and/or attract them to you.

Gaffe 7: Money makes women go around. This is a big mistake — you thought women get attracted to men with money, who are handsome, or are of certain height, or certain age. Agreed, that there are some women who are merely interested in your bank account. But, there are also too many women who are not interested in your wealth. They are more interested in your personality. Use your personality like a magnet — to attract the woman you think you will be happy with. 

Gaffe 8. Giving power is a big idea. This is another big folly. Remember — women are never impressed by men who don’t hold on to their powers. Or, give the ‘driver’s seat’ to them without hassle.

Gaffe 9: Women don’t understand your smart moves. Remember, a woman is always better at reading body language. Women also know what you are thinking, or up to. They also know your every move, even before you can think. Don’t you goof-up a situation, by doing things too soon, especially when making love. You need to be discreet.

Gaffe 10. Looking vulnerable is the best prescription. Looking meek, obedient, and helpless, you thought would appeal to your lady love, at the proverbial drop of a circumstance. No, you are wrong. Looking insecure will put them off for sure. Just ask some of the men who have failed miserably in the drama — whether it’s deliberate, or genuine — and, you wouldn’t ever commit that blunder. Get the significance? If you have got the message right, put your best foot forward, along with a positive bent of mind, combined with the right body language and communication skills — to hit it off well, in a manner you had always thought was possible, with your woman.

It is possible.

Okay, okay, it is now quite possible for women to think what they should do — to hit it off well with men.

It’s simple — they need to do just the opposite of what men falter at. Not in every sense though, but wisely. Because, when it comes to love, men always seem, and sound stupid.

It is only a woman that can make them really grow up — as men.

Get the point? You better do.

NELRESSA STALLINGS-FAYE, BA, MA, TESOL/TEFL/TOEFL, a former writer-copywriter-PR consultant, is US-certified and licensed K-12 educator, Cambridge certified lecturer, international administrative co-ordinator and research student from the University of Exeter. She currently works with the indigenous Yu’pik tribes in northern Alaska as a licensed educator and ESOL specialist.

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