Nip Conflicts In The Bud

Words: Dr Rajgopal NIDAMBOOR

It goes without saying that our day-to-day interactions depend on our relationships. When our relationships are strong and healthy, it is likely that many of us — even in the wake of conflict — underplay tricky situations.

In other words, investing in healthy relationships is like investing money in a reputed bank. Also, the stronger the existing relationship, the better it is to put down disagreements without causing ripple effects on either side of the ‘fence’ — if not divide. 

Research has shown that it is what you think about a situation that will affect how you feel. It is important for you to, therefore, bear in mind what your perspective of a given situation is. This will have a say on how, or what you feel about it. For example, you need to separate a situation you think amounts to a personal revenge — for something that may have happened for no real reason, or for your/someone else’s mistake.

All of us have our idiosyncrasies, or peculiarities — enough reason for us to blow the roof. Once this happens, feelings of anger, unfairness, injury, insult, or hurt, may run wild. If one becomes familiar with one’s problem area, especially when there is anger, or resentment, it will allow us to be aware of what may actually help in dealing with differences successfully.

This isn’t easy, but it is an achievable prospect. All you need to do is find a different perspective to yourself. In other words, you need to know how to keep on ‘hold’ your physiological, emotional, and spiritual response to your anger, or angst.

In addition to this, you need to deal effectively with resentment by way of reflection, not reaction. You need to act; not react. Put simply, this means you need to think through a situation. Not go for someone’s jugular, including your own. When you do this, with diligence, you will be able to balance your emotions sensibly.

This is, of course, easier said than done. Yet, you can sure give it your best shot. Remember, when you speak about the other party, or person, in any conflicting ‘story,’ avoid making personal statements, or assessments about either. Convey what you feel without drama. Example: “We need to work out something that fits the bill.”

“United we stand” works well for conflicts resulting in a family situation — which is just the reverse of the preceding illustration. What you need to do and say may be summed up, thus: “Let us put our minds together and see what best we can do together.”

There are other things you’d do to help avoid conflicting situations. Never indulge in cynicism. It won’t take you far. It will also actually damage a given situation and lead to a point of no return. Most important: use your language as a modifying tool, not as a handgun. 

If you find a situation going out of control, just allow yourself, your opposite number, or the parties to disperse, and cool down their tempers. Once this is achieved, you may ask them to return and talk it out. This will help promote a re-focus on thoughts and offer a fresh perspective on the issue to be discussed by both parties too.

Once you, or the two parties, have been heard, you may, as an individual, or arbiter, sure think of brainstorming. Brainstorming should take into account all possible solutions — even if they sound impractical. The idea is to get as many ‘solution’ possibilities as you can. They will all count one way, or the other.

It is also not uncommon for individuals and arbiters to stumble upon a solution, or a set of solutions, that neither had thought of earlier. However, when nothing works, you’d allow either party to agree to disagree and vice versa. Everything will fall into place — sooner than later.

Dr RAJGOPAL NIDAMBOOR, PhD, is a wellness physician-writer-editor, independent researcher, critic, columnist, author and publisher. His published work includes hundreds of newspaper, magazine, web articles, essays, meditations, columns, and critiques on a host of subjects, eight books on natural health, two coffee table tomes and an encyclopaedic treatise on Indian philosophy. He is Chief Wellness Officer, Docco360 — a mobile health application/platform connecting patients with Ayurveda, homeopathic and Unani physicians, and nutrition therapists, among others, from the comfort of their home — and, Editor-in-Chief, ThinkWellness360.

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