Love Me Do

Words: Andre ZIZI

In life, I have travelled a long, hard path. Britain and her people have been a blessing to my growth; my past was like living in a psychic war zone. My present is where I want to spend my eternity.

My journey has been one of seeking my identity, my place in life, the search to finding people to share my experiences, and giving my humble insights. It is a privilege; also, education.

This deep longing for love, and to be loved, reflect the same kind of deep yearning of other souls — this yearning to share, redeem our society of ills, by love, is as ancient as the land around us. No soul seeks to live life alone, only evil does, if they desire to be left alone, because they are dealing with great emotional pain. We must learn to love successfully, grant them the wish, give them the space, and return to them when they give us permission to return. To seek love is as natural as eating, or sleeping. To desire one’s perfect mate is the greatest dream of all.

However, everything that we desire in our lives comes with a cost. This is a fact that just a few understand, and accept. Those who understand this Universal Law of Giving, live a most gratifying and blessed life with all its abundance.

Most relationships fail, because the lesson of love has not been learned. Many people have expert knowledge and skill in their chosen professional field. However, when it comes loving successfully, and winning a soul mate, a friend, a colleague, or neighbour, most do poorly.

In fact, there are destructive souls around, as well as angelic souls that I have been lucky to connect with. I have also been approached by negative souls, who seek to undermine your Gift of Love. They are so quick at jumping at the slightest human mistake you do; they rush to complain about you in an attempt to sabotage your reputation.

Sometimes this is done out of their own confusion, sometimes they truly don’t understand you. They lack understanding; and, they create all sorts of psychological distortions. They may condemn you; they may gossip about you; they may make false accusations against you — simply because they cannot understand your culture, your philosophy, and your unique psychology.

Sometimes, we are not supposed to understand these unique souls. Rather than reacting badly to their complex nature, we need to step back, and ask the question: how can I love this person successfully even though I don’t understand what they are all about? How can I do something that is good for this person? How can I do that one little thing for them to help them grow, and gel with our society, rather than alienate them from our circle?

Love Is Art

How is it possible to love successfully? Love is an art, and a successful person who has not mastered the art of loving has not mastered their life.

When we entered into this life, we came with an open heart. The child always loves, and we’re the loving child, when we were small. This ability to love is part of our nature, and part of our identity.

Childhood trauma, in the family, where the father is not loving and giving, still exists. It changes the child’s view of being open and loving. The view of the self is altered, damaged, and scarred by the views of those around us. When we become adults, we lose our loving spontaneity; we become too analytical. When an act of giving calls upon us, we become fearful, we experience love as a threat, and it becomes painful and, tragically, it also leads to failure.

As we get older, we become more careful; sometimes too cautious. We perceive each new person as a replica of our damaged past experiences. Eventually, we come to the realisation that love really brought equal pain, entrenching old childhood fears even deeper. At this point, some of us remain the same, some move ahead and develop their spiritual, psycho-sociological, and philosophical views. This will allow us to live and love successfully.

Have Purpose

Most of the failures in relationships are due to lack of clarity of purpose — of what you would like to create for the other person, give, share, empower, and love spontaneously. Our true love journey now continues.

The ancient art of finding and attracting true love was always within us. Deep in our heart, in our child’s heart, there’s this huge ability to give and receive love, without fear of consequence.

The first thing that we might rediscover about love, and about ourselves, is that we really are afraid of the very thing that we would give almost anything to find. Love sometimes becomes a scary affair because it revolves around the ego, the ‘me-first-syndrome.’

Yet another thing that we have within us is that we still have the ability, but not the willingness to love unconditionally — just as we did when we were little kids, playing with toys.

Attract Love… When Afraid Of It

In learning to love more successfully, we can also re-learn how to love and accept others at a deep level. In the ancient art of finding love, we ought to learn to first love ourselves. Then, and only then, can we love others with an open heart.

If we present anger, fear, or bitterness, in our life, we will attract the same. If we give love, caring, and acceptance of others, it will also return to us, ten-fold. Like attracts like. We can attract love, if we are willing to give it unconditionally. When we like who we are, we are more than willing to share, be open, grateful and loving.

The path of self-love involves good care of our body, emotions, and mind. It means creating a living space that is calm, clean, and positive. It means finding friends who are successful in self-love, friends who can inspire us; if there are no such friends, look at writers and authors and turn them into friends. Self-love is self-respect, and we cannot be respectful if we segregate, and demean, or belittle, others. Self-respect means we don’t chase love, but rather give what you desire to receive.

To begin to love ourselves deeply requires a whole new discipline in our way to living, thinking and feeling. The first stage to self-love begins with thinking about who we truly are, why we are here, and what is the right thing to do, believe, and feel.

The Three Keys

The First Golden Key to Relationship. “I am willing to give my partner what they need, not what I need to give them.” If our love partner likes blue, do not buy them a shirt that is yellow, because we like yellow. Take their true desires into consideration, and give them what they like.

The Second Golden Key to Relationship. “I put my partner first, above all else.” This does not mean we impose our love and care for others, or become totally enraptured in their lives. For example, if we are busy with work and leave our love partner to ‘die on the vine,’ then they lose and we will eventually be seeking someone else. We will form an addictive habit of seeking other loves, only to keep doing this over and over again, and making our lives a big mess.

Abandonment is abandonment, regardless of the age of the person. Most people already have abandonment issues that they deal with. When we also abandon, or ignore our mate, we create deep pain at the unconscious level. Like the Sun, we should nurture our partner, and ‘glow’ our love upon them, help them succeed, help them feel loved by the action you take for them. Once this is done, love becomes a self-prophecy.

The Third Golden Key to Relationship. “Give our partner the right of free will, freedom, and the right of choice.” If we worry about the whereabouts of our mate, like a child, we will soon be their possessive mother. This is no longer an adult relationship, and it is not healthy for either partner. If we feel a need to dominate our partner, we reflect fear. When we deal with our post-childhood issues, our feelings about our mate will change for the better.

Even before we find love, you’d do well to know the Three Golden Keys. Start to practice them in your daily life. These keys should become second nature to us. When they do, we will have a greater chance of attracting the true love we seek. Nothing comes free; all things we desire come with a cost. The cost of emotions, time, care, understanding, empathy, compassion, admiration, finance, thinking and feelings for that person, are all part of the ‘cost’ involved in any relationship.

Not two people can provide the same substance of love; one provides, for example, the seed, the other nurtures the harvest; both enjoy the rewards of true love. Each action is an expression of love; if your partner is not providing you with the elixir, pick up the sign, and walk away. Someone else is wise enough to fulfil you, for it is in the giving that we become fulfilled.

The Three Golden Keys might seem simple. But, if you wish to practice the Ancient Art of Attracting [having and keeping] Love, you will need to follow them wholeheartedly — because, they are your golden threads of wisdom.

Well, if you willing to practice this letter of love, from the bottom of your heart, you might already know what will work for you.

ANDRE ZIZI is a neuro-philosopher, qualified teacher, writer, and author of The Spiritual Psychology of the Science of Money-Phology. He lives in the UK.

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